


A Little Hope

by SadieandJack



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27508696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadieandJack/pseuds/SadieandJack
Summary: Sara is expecting a child which takes her from happiness to tragedy. Grissom tries to help her and finally sees through the sadness to the light of hope at the end of the tunnel
Relationships: Gil Grissom/Sara Sidle





	A Little Hope

I felt the rush of impending danger as I stood with my gun poised as Brass and two officers busted down a door in a large house on the rich side of town. My heart beat pounded in my ears as I followed them inside the dark home.

Brass stopped seeing a man covered in blood come out of a room to the right holding a gun. He just wore a tee shirt and some boxers. He slowly turned in a daze looking at Brass.

"Put the gun down!" Brass ordered.

The man put the gun to his cheek smoothing it up and down as he looked at us.

"Put the gun down or I will shoot!"

"I killed them." The man muttered.

"Just put it down and we can talk. You and me." Brass pleaded

"They were just lying in bed. I shot them."

Brass stepped closer as the man broke down lowering the weapon. I watched Brass take the gun from the man and then turn him around cuffing him. I sighed holstering my weapon. Brass had the two cops take him outside as he looked around.

"Ready?" He asked

"Let me get my case." I said, rushing out. Carrying the case I rejoined Brass at the hallway. We walked carefully looking at the bloody footprints on the carpet.

"This reminds me of a case twenty years ago I was on." He said

"What happened?"

"A man killed his entire family. Six kids, wife and the house pet." He said, as we reached the stairs.

"Why?"

"He said he went to a bar came home and lost his mind."

I sighed going up with him.

"After all the cases I have been on involving children. It still makes me sick to my stomach."

"Yeah." Brass said, reaching the first door in the hallway. He opened the door shining a light in seeing a still figure in the bed. "Daughter."

I looked in seeing posters and other things that only a girl would have. I walked in looking around going to the bed lifting the blanket.

"She's got to be around thirteen, maybe fourteen."

"Let's go on."

Lowering the blanket I followed him to the next door. The wife laid in the queen size bed with a gunshot wound to the temple. Brass looked at me as I looked in disgusted at the coldness of the crime.

We found two more kids in the next room that had tried to find out what was happening as they were on the floor near the door. I went home feeling angry that this would happen to a family. Going to my bedroom I laid down looking at the ceiling playing with my wedding ring thinking about Grissom and the tiny hidden life inside me. I hadn't told him yet even though we saw each other over a weekend when I flew over for a rest.

Grabbing my phone I pushed some buttons holding it to my ear hearing it ringing. I knew Grissom would be sleeping by now, but I had to hear his voice.

"Grissom." He answered, after a fifth ring. I could hear the sleepiness in his voice imagining him lying in bed with his hair messed up.

"Hello Gilbert." I said, smiling faintly.

"Hello dear." He said

"Did I wake you?"

"Yes, but I am glad you called. I was worried about you."

"Why?"

"When you were here you seemed worried about something."

"There is something I need to discuss with you."

"Yes?"

I laid back silently trying to think of some way to say it.

"Sara?"

"I'm here. I….went to the doctor before I came to Paris."

"Doctor, are you all right?" He asked, sitting up.

"Yes, I don't know how to say this, so I will just say it."

"Yes?"

"Gil, I am going to have a baby."

He sat silently I could hear nothing and then he cleared his throat. I knew by that he was shocked.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, the doctor said I am four weeks."

"How did it happen?" He asked

I chuckled as I sat up.

"You know how it happened?"

"I am sorry. I mean what do we do? Should I come back and live or will you come over here?"

"I don't know. This is new to me as well. For now, let's just live as we are and then figure out the logistics later."

"Sara, I know that this is not the same as in person, but I love you. I want you to take care of yourself and call me if you need me."

"I will, daddy."

He sighed as I laughed.

I told Catherine during the next shift and she didn't seem as surprised as I hoped. It was then I knew that Grissom had called her. He apparently ordered her to have me take it easy and to look out for me. I know I would be annoyed by this, but I felt like he would worry less if someone else watched me.

As time progressed I noticed that my belly was becoming round. I bought new clothes to wear as my old clothes began to get tight. Grissom smiled as I showed him my stomach on the webcam.

On the second month I went on another case with Nick. A woman sat in her car after ramming it in a solid tree along a neighborhood street. I looked around her on the car floor picking up some bloodied glass putting it in an envelope. Nick opened the passenger door looking smell of blood started to make me feel sick as I took a breath closing my eyes.

"Sara, you okay?" Nick asked, shining his flashlight at me.

"Yeah." I said, working.

I swallowed feeling bile come up my throat. Quickly I ran away from the scene standing by another tree throwing up. Nick ran over touching my back.

"You need to take it easy." He said

"I'm okay. The smell of blood got to me." I said, standing.

"Why don't you sit down and rest?"

"I'm fine."

I took some breaths then went back to collecting evidence while holding my breath. Nick offered to take me out to a diner, but I said no as my appetite diminished. Catherine came into the locker room seeing me lying on a bench. She walked over touching my arm.

"Sara, you okay?"

"I feel sick." I said "I am trying not to throw up."

"I'll take you home."

I tried to move, but my stomach started to rebel.

"I can drive. I just want to lay here for a few minutes."

"I have to call Gil." She said, getting her phone out.

"No! Please don't. I don't want to disrupt the dig he is on." I said, sitting up slowly. Catherine helped me up then insisted on following me home. I ate nothing going to bed waking up to pains realizing I hadn't eaten in twelve hours. Getting up I got some toast feeling the pains go away. My cell phone went off in the bedroom. I sat down picking it up.

"Sidle." I said, feeling the pains come back.

"Hey." Grissom said

"Hey." I said, rubbing my stomach.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, what about you?"

"I'm okay. Catherine called and said you were sick."

I groaned annoyed at her.

"No, I feel fine."

"You don't sound fine to me."

"Grissom, I said I am fine!" I said, lying down "Owe!"

"Sara?"

"What?"

"Honey, what is wrong?"

I moved as a sharp pain hit me.

"Nothing!"

"Hang up the phone and call 911." He ordered

"Don't leave me!" I grimaced

"Sara, hang up!"

I dropped the phone on the bed crying out as I tried to sit up. I went out into the sitting room hearing the cell phone go off again. Picking up my keys I made my way to the front door. Holding my stomach I ran out ignoring the elevator as I went down the stairwell stopping as the pain got worse. I slid down the stairs landing on the floor crying out for help before passing out.

"Sara?" Someone called my name. I felt my eyelid being moved back and a light blinding me. "Sara, can you respond?"

I moved my head feeling myself being pulled somewhere. Opening my eyes I saw people on both sides of the gurney I was on looking down at me then past me to the long white hallway they pushed me through. I saw Catherine walking with them quickly looking at me worried. Closing my eyes I went back to sleep.

Hours later I woke up sensing someone in the room. Rain outside hit the windows in a soothing manner. I opened my eyes slowly hearing two beeps from a monitor. Looking at it I saw my heart beat and the babies.

The person walked over into my field of vision. Grissom took my hand in his placing his other hand on my cheek.

"When did you get here?"

"A few hours ago. How do you feel?"

"Tired, calm." I said, looking back over at the monitor.

"The baby's fine, but you are not."

"I didn't mean to not take care of myself."

"I know. You are not alone now and that means you have to eat and rest."

"I will."

He leaned over kissing me.

"Sara, I love you."

"I love you."

He smiled faintly looking into my brown eyes. He smoothed his shaven cheek against mine.

"How long are you here for?"

"I decided to stay long enough to make sure you are all right. Then I am going back to Paris and pack."

"Pack?" I asked, looking at him.

"Yes, I am coming back to town."

"Your work is not done yet!" I said, trying to get up. He pushed me down.

"Sara, I need to be here and you need me here."

"Gil."

He put a finger on my lips to quiet me.

"I have already thought about it. I can work here and until our grant goes through I will be very satisfied being here with you."

He took his finger away feeling me pulling him down for a kiss. A few days later he was gone and I returned to work feeling a pang of guilt over him having to come here. A hot case came my way as I worked alone at a bridge out of town where a car went over the railing and crashed below in a fiery blaze. The skid marks led me to believe that someone was chasing the victim down. I rubbed my belly walking across the bridge seeing Brass standing at the top of the long steep path that went down to the car.

"Why don't you wait here and I'll go collect the evidence?" Brass asked

"You won't get everything. Help me down." I said, smiling.

He sighed looking down taking my hand. I slid some and he caught me a few times. We reached the bottom where Dave and his helpers were extracting the crispy victim from the car.

"Sara, stand back." Dave ordered

I stood back as he and the two men got the body out placing it in a black bag. They lifted it up taking it up the path.

I walked around collecting evidence when my phone went off. I picked it up looking at it smiling as I put it to my ear.

"Hey."

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"Good, I ate before shift and now I am walking around a scene." I said, seeing something on the ground.

"I didn't want to distract you. I will call you later."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

I hung up looking over at Brass as he talked to an officer glancing at me as I hung up. He helped me up the hill then walked me to the Tahoe in the back of the vehicles. I got in the passenger seat as Brass got into the driver's side starting the engine. He drove me back to the lab walking me to the building.

Later I was walking down the hallway when Nick came running with a look of horror.

"Where's the fire, Nick?" I asked, getting my phone out.

"A man just came in packed with explosives!" He said, running.

"What?" I called

Seeing he ran away, I shook my head walking to the lobby stopping as I saw a curious looking man standing around barring anyone from leaving. He looked over at me then the other way. I could see the explosives strapped to his chest as he held the trigger device in a hand.

"Excuse me, who are you?" I asked, walking over.

"Stay away!"

"You can't just come in here and keep us prisoners."

I knew that I should have just stayed back, but it made me angry that this man decided to blow us up. He looked at me with anger and I could see that through his eyes he didn't seem to care.

"I told you to stay away!" He said, raising his hand with the trigger.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, hearing running down the hallway. I looked back seeing Nick, Catherine, Brass and the entire police force watching tensely.

"My wife and daughter are dead! No one will give me any answers and this is the only way to get through to people." He said, motioning to his chest "I don't care anymore. I have nothing to live for and if I have to die I am going to take some of you with me!"

Ecklie came running from the other direction stopping as he saw the man and I.

"What is going on here?" He asked

"This man wants to kill himself and us." I said

"Okay, just calm down and we can talk." Ecklie said

"I have nothing more to say to you!"

I looked over at Ecklie seeing he was doing more harm than good.

"What if we step in my office and talk?"

The man laughed shaking.

"I get it. I turn my back and then I am tackled by those people."

I looked behind at the crowd around the corner watching. My phone went off as that man stared at Ecklie than at I. I slowly put the phone to my ear.

"Sara, walk back to the hallway and let me handle this." Brass said

"No." I said, looking at the man.

"I am trained to negotiate and you are not. Now come over to us."

I lowered the phone looking at Ecklie. Stepping back slowly the man took a breath watching me go. Ecklie watched Brass walk over to talk to the man. Catherine walked with me down the hall turning me to her checking for injuries.

"Grissom would kill me if anything happened to you. I want you, Nick and Greg to go out the emergency exit down the hallway and wait outside."

"We are not leaving Catherine." Nick said

"No." Greg said, shaking his head.

I shook my head at her as she sighed looking at all of us. Suddenly the shouting from the man caught our attention. Brass was trying to calm the man down as Ecklie antagonized him.

"Everyone calm down." Brass said

The man breathed in and out fast looking around. Brass stepped back knowing what this meant.

"Run Ecklie!" He shouted, as he turned running towards us. Ecklie ran the other way as the man closed his eyes pressing the trigger. The place blew and it was like a sound I had never heard before. The screaming from the people all around shook me to the very core. Someone grabbed me pulling me to the floor covering me with their body as glass sprayed everyone and everything like shrapnel and the building caved in after the fireball dissipated.

Water on the floor woke me as I listened to the sounds among the debris. I opened my eyes seeing a officer beside me with pieces of glass sticking out of his back. His face was towards me looking in my direction in a blank stare. The weight on my back was hurting my stomach. I moved feeling the person roll off me to the side. Clutching my stomach I sat up looking around at the dark hallway with fire and light from the collapsed parts of the building. Everyone around me appeared to be dead including the officer that protected me. Fire truck sirens could be heard racing to the scene.

Grissom drank some coffee in the apartment looking around at the many boxes he had sealed ready to ship out. He walked over to the TV and sat down turning on the news. He stopped drinking from the cup he held as he saw the lab in Las Vegas smoking with a pronounced hole at the front of the building. He listened to the newswoman speaking in French putting down the cup on the coffee table before getting his cell out.

I decided to get out of the building looking around for the best option. Getting up I felt a stinging pain on my arm looking over I lifted my other arm to touch the spot pulling my hand back seeing a large amount of blood on it.

Grissom tried my number again watching the continuing coverage about the explosion.

"Come on Sara." He said, as he tried again.

I stepped out of the building on the side door. Coughing at the smoke blowing past. All around me people inside the building laid on the ground moaning as they were injured. EMT's tended to them and then took them on a gurney to an ambulance.

Grissom paced calling everyone working at CSI, but no one answered. Frightened, he then called the airport to get a ticket for a flight.

I walked past the officers and lab staff lying on the pavement seeing some with bandages on their head in shock.

"Sara!" Brass shouted, running over to me. He had a white bandage on his head and a scratch on his cheek. "Thank goodness."

Catherine ran over with her arm in a sling walking with a limp.

"Are you all right?" She asked

"Yeah." I said, lying.

Brass looked down at my left arm seeing the blood that ran down to my hand dripping to the pavement. He took me by the arm and I winched.

"Sara, your hurt."

I looked down suddenly feeling a sharp pain. I hunched over taking a breath grimacing as I heard Catherine shouting to have an EMT come over to help me.

Grissom drove through the streets of Las Vegas well past the speed limit. Catherine called him finally telling him that I was at the hospital. Grissom ran in the front doors of the hospital searching for me. Catherine saw him come over to the front desk then seeing her ran over.

"How is she?" He asked, afraid.

"Gil, she lost the baby." She said, with an expressionless look.

He looked at her searching her eyes then he sat back on a cushioned chair looking at nothing. Catherine sat beside him putting her hand on his back.

"I am sorry."

"What happened?" He asked

"It happened so fast. One minute we are talking then she hunches over in pain. She passed out in the ambulance and started to bleed."

He sighed putting his hand over his face.

"You have to be strong for Sara."

I slept in a quiet room alone as he came in looking sadly over at the bed I lay on. Walking over he looked down at my pale features. Leaning over he kissed my cheek feeling me move opening my eyes seeing him.

"Hey." He said, taking my hand.

"You didn't have to come all this way." I said, weakly.

"I had to see you. How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

He nodded watching my other hand touch my stomach.

"Did you talk to the doctor?"

"No not yet. I talked to Catherine."

"Is the baby all right?"

He looked at me seeing that I was worried not knowing the full extent of my injuries. He sat on the bed rubbing my hand in his reaching over touching my other hand resting on my stomach.

"Sara, on the way to the hospital you had a miscarriage."

I stared at him not understanding what he said.

The door opened as the doctor came in seeing Grissom.

"Hello, I am doctor Andrews."

"Gil Grissom." Grissom said, shaking the doctor's hand as he got off the bed.

"The husband?"

"Yes." Grissom said, glancing at me seeing I was still staring at him "How is she doing?"

"Fine, there were no other injuries besides her arm. You should be able to go home in four days." He said, looking at me.

"The baby?" I asked, in a small voice.

"I am afraid the baby did not survive, Mrs. Grissom. Sometimes this happens. I am very sorry for your loss. You seem healthy and I am sure in time you can conceive another child."

"Thank you." Grissom said

The doctor nodded leaving us. Grissom turned to look at me as I rubbed my stomach looking to the side.

"Sara?"

"I want to be alone." I said

"Sara, I want to help you."

"Please! Just give me some time." I said

He sighed nodding leaning over kissing my head then leaving. I moved to my side sobbing quietly.

After the four days I was allowed to come home. Grissom walked me up the stairs to my front door. I walked in looking around as Grissom went past me carrying a bag into the bedroom. I walked over to the hallway going to the spare room door turning the knob. Grissom came out of the bedroom stopping as he saw me.

"You locked this?" I asked, looking at him.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You don't need to see that right now."

"Unlock it."

"No." He said, coming over to me "Sara, why don't you take a rest?"

"I said unlock it!" I yelled

He looked at me before getting out the key unlocking the door. I opened the door slowly seeing a dimly lit room. Walking over I opened the blinds allowing the sunlight to shine inside. Grissom watched me walk over to the crib looking inside it.

My hand rested on the soft mattress inside. Grissom walked over to me placing his hand on my arm.

"Sara, I'll make you something."

I moved my arm from his hold looking down at the bed.

Grissom had our things shipped from Paris and then he started working at CSI as a supervisor again. The building underwent a repair transformation including a guard at the front door. Catherine came into his lit up new large office seeing that he was sitting behind his desk lost in space.

"Hey." She said, making him jump "Troubles?"

"You could say that." He said, looking at her as she sat in one of his chairs in front of his desk.

"Sara?"

"Yes, she is struggling and I really don't know what to do."

"Sometimes the only thing you can do is nothing."

"She refuses my attention and I can't talk to her without her running away."

"You need to give her time, Gil. I remember having a miscarriage before I had Lindsey. I wanted to hide away from the world."

"What made you change?"

"I just got up and even though it hurt to move I got up and decided to get on with my life."

"The trouble is Sara would bury herself in work."

"She may surprise you." Catherine said, getting up.

Grissom came home seeing that I was sitting on the couch in gray sweats with a half-eaten sandwich on a plate on the coffee table.

"Hey." He said, putting down his briefcase by the door. I never looked up as the reporter on the TV talked. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." I said

He walked over sitting down beside me looking at the sandwich then at me.

"You look better."

He watched me nod faintly. I felt his hand touch mine on my lap squeezing it gently.

"Sara, I don't know what your going through, but I want to help."

I looked down taking my hand out of his hearing him sigh.

"Please Sara."

"I want to go back to work."

"Catherine said you can be on light duty then begin on crime scenes."

"Good." I said, getting up going to the bedroom.

The next night I leaned over a blanket in the lab trying to find some fibers. Catherine came in standing by the door watching me glance over at her.

"I haven't found anything yet."

"That's okay."

I looked over at her again as she continued to stand there looking at me.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, I just thought we should talk."

"What about?" I asked, knowing already what it was she wanted to talk about.

"How you are doing?"

"I'm fine."

"You say that a lot and I know your not."

I sighed standing up looking at her.

"Is this how it's going to be now?"

"What?" She asked, as she walked over.

"This! Everyone being careful with me?"

"Sara, we are just concerned about you."

"I don't need this right now." I said, going back to the blanket

She walked out quietly leaving me to work. I stood up leaning over the table closing my eyes. Grissom walked down the hallway searching for me. I stood in the lounge drinking a cup of coffee looking pale and tired.

"Time to go." He said

"I'm working." I said, avoiding his stare.

"Shift is over."

"I still have some things to do."

"Sara, you need to rest."

"I told you I need to work." I said, glaring at him.

"You going to just bury yourself in work and avoid going home?"

"I am not avoiding anything. I am working on a case." I said, tossing my cup in the trash as I walked over to the door.

"I think you need to see a counselor."

"No!" I said, trying to get past him, but he grabbed me pulling me back.

"Sara, I am trying to help you, but you won't let me in. I have tried to talk to you. I have tried to touch you, but you pull away. Either you see a counselor or you talk to me."

I avoided his stare looking to the side. He waited for an outburst or something. I sniffed feeling tears go down my cheeks.

"If I can't tell you how to help me, then how can you?" I asked, looking at him "I just need time alone can't you understand that?"

"Your forgetting that we are married and we should go through this together."

"I can't!" I cried, getting out of his grip as I ran down the hall crying. He watched me go feeling his heart breaking. I went out the side door sinking down on the pavement crying. Every shake caused me to shudder as I held myself hearing the traffic horns.

Grissom sat on the couch waiting for me at home in silence. I opened the door slowly coming inside seeing him on the couch looking over at me. He stood from his place watching me close the door and walk over to the hallway.

"Sara."

I stopped looking down then I turned seeing him.

"I'm tired."

"Where were you?" He asked, as he walked over.

"I wanted to think. I drove around for a while."

"Without calling me?"

"I didn't think you would be concerned."

"Concerned? Sara, I was sitting here worried." He said, motioning to the couch.

"I'm sorry." I said, glancing at him before disappearing down the hallway. He came in seeing me in bed lying on my side away from him. He sat on the bed looking at my back then he laid down putting his arm around me.

"Sara, let me in again. Please honey." He said, softly. He kissed my ear and my neck gently. I stayed still looking straight ahead. He took my hand in his resting his head on my head. I could feel his breath on my cheek. I turned looking at him feeling his hand smooth my cheek.

"I feel empty inside."

"It's hard to be attached to something then have it be taken."

"Sometimes it's hard to get out of bed. I hate feeling like this. I go over that day over and over thinking what I could have done differently."

"You can't blame yourself. It was that man's fault."

"I should have just run out the door when I saw the explosives."

He kissed my head moving my hair back.

"You can't predict what you would do in that situation."

I stared at him feeling some of the pain started to shrink.

"Sara, I have never blamed you for this. I love you and I want to help."

"Will you hold me?"

"Of course." He said, pulling me to him. I felt better as he held me against him. Grissom got up later calling in to say we both would not be in. He came back in the bedroom watching me sleep. I moved seeing him standing over me beside the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"I'd feel better if you would kiss me." I said, lifting my arms up to him. He smiled kneeling down beside the bed kissing me.

"I called in telling Catherine we would not be in tonight." He said, smoothing my messy hair.

"Good." I said, touching his curled hair "I'm sorry for shutting you out."

"That's all right."

We sat in front of the TV watching a movie. He put his arm around me kissing my head. I laid my head against his chest thinking.

"You okay?" He asked

"Yeah." I said

"Do you want to go to bed early?"

I knew what he meant as he rubbed my arm. Sitting up I shook looking at him.

"I…can't."

"It has been a while."

"I know I just can't."

"All right."

I felt that disappointment in him. I sat up moving from him. He looked at me feeling me tense up.

"What's wrong?"

"Grissom, I know you must feel frustrated because I don't feel like….going to bed."

"I don't, Honey. I don't feel lacking in this marriage. I can wait until you are ready."

He touched my hair smoothing it back. I moved over to him again letting him hold me.

The next night I walked over to his office door that was closed. I knocked opening the door seeing him signing papers on his desk. He watched me walk over to his desk.

"Working hard?" I asked

"You could say that." He said, as he leaned back looking at me. I smiled faintly moving around his desk to ease myself into his lap "Doors open."

"I don't care." I said, kissing him.

He and I didn't notice Hodges walking in looking at a paper.

"Boss, this print off the tire that you gave me is….." He said, stopping as he looked at us.

I got off Grissom quickly as Grissom cleared his throat moving his seat forward. Hodges looked at Grissom than me.

"Yes?" Grissom asked

"I'll see you later." I said, walking away eyeing Hodges before leaving. I went to bed after work knowing Grissom would be late. I woke to him spooning my body kissing my neck.

"Your home?" I asked, moving my head.

"Yes."

He settled down sighing as he smoothed the skin on my arm. I felt sleep coming over me again as he stayed awake looking at the ceiling. The next day I drank coffee in the kitchen dressed for work as Grissom walked in kissing me before getting some coffee.

"You look nice." He said, looking at me as he drank from a blue mug.

"Thanks." I said, putting my cup down on the counter. I walked over to him touching his brown dress coat feeling the softness. He looked down at my hand then at me "You look tired."

"I didn't sleep very well."

"Why don't we come home at the same time after shift and I will give you a massage."

"I would like that, but I will have to work over."

"Again?"

"Ecklie has some meetings lined up for me."

I nodded looking down as he took one last sip of his coffee then he kissed me leaving. I sighed hearing the front door close. I realized that I saw him more at work than at home. Our schedules became busier and that's when we never saw each other except once in the morning. I felt annoyed all the time because I felt he didn't care enough to make time to see me.

Sophia walked into the lounge carrying a paper seeing me eating a sandwich over by the table in the corner. I watched her come over putting the paper on the table.

"Sara, we need to talk."

"What about?" I asked, watching her take a seat beside me.

"This report is not accurate."

"Yes, it is." I said, staring at her.

"You fired four shots, not two."

"Nick fired four shots, I fired two."

"Nick?"

"Yes."

She sat up on the table looking at me.

"Where is Nick?"

"How would I know?"

"You know Sara, you seem very grumpy lately. Why don't you get some pills?" She said, getting up grabbing the report.

"I don't need pills. I need people to take my word that I am telling the truth." I said, watching her leave.

"Whatever." She said, leaving.

I stood running out to grab her. She turned looking at me.

"What did you mean by that?"

"It mean's whatever." She said

"I don't need an exgirlfriend of Grissom to tell me that. When I say I am telling the truth you believe me." I said, poking her.

"Grissom and I never dated Sara. I don't appreciate the accusation or being poked." She said, shoving me.

"Give me a break. You have had your eye on him for a long time." I said, shoving her with force.

"You're insane." She said

I felt the annoyance about Grissom and my wanting to take my anger out on someone came out. She backed up as I grabbed her hitting her in the face. She fell to the ground as I jumped on her hitting her with everything I had. Greg saw us fighting as Sophia screamed. He ran over grabbing me pulling me off her. By now the entire building was at a standstill as people watched from their stations. Catherine ran over helping Sophia up.

"What is going on?" Catherine said

"I am pressing charges." Sophia said, moving out of Catherine's grip as she walked past. I breathed in and out fast watching her leave. Catherine walked over to me.

"Greg take her outside."

"Come on Sara." Greg said, pulling me away. I made him let me go as we got outside. I paced with my hands on my waist as he watched by the door. Grissom came out seeing him. He looked at me walking over. I stopped pacing long enough to see him.

"Are you okay?" He asked, noticing I was trembling.

"I'm fine."

"Why are you fighting with people?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do." He said, eyeing me. He looked back at Greg motioning him to leave them alone. I watched Greg leave. Grissom sighed looking at me. Brass came out seeing us as he walked over.

"Sara, I have to take you in."

"Jim." Grissom said

"I'm sorry Gil, Sophia has pressed charges."

They looked at me. I walked over letting Brass take me away. Grissom followed behind watching us walk down the hallway silently. He came later seeing Brass waiting for him at the station.

"Sophia decided to drop the charges."

"Good."

I walked out a few minutes later seeing Grissom standing by the entrance. I silently walked past him going home. Grissom came in seeing me sitting on the couch holding a beer. He walked over seeing some empty beer bottles on the coffee table.

He sat down beside me looking at me as I chugged down the beer. I looked at him as I lowered the bottle.

"Want one?" I asked, setting the empty bottle with the others as I reached over on the floor beside me getting another beer. I sat back opening the bottle with an opener.

"No. I think you should not have any more either." He said, taking the bottle I just opened. I sighed sitting back against the cushions. "Sophia told me what happened."

"I will apologize to her next shift."

"First I want you to talk to me."

"We never see each other anymore. We are strangers."

"Our schedules have been busy. You have cases and I have meetings."

"This marriage is not a marriage. We are just roommates now." I said, looking down.

He reached over touching my hand rubbing my fingers.

"How about we take a night off and we will have dinner then come back here."

"I don't want to come back here."

"Then we can stay the night somewhere."

"We could take some sleeping bags and stay in the desert to look at the night sky." I said, looking at him.

"If you want to do that then I say okay."

I smiled as he kissed my head. We took the next night off to go into the hills of the Nevada to park near a rock area. Grissom had gotten a take out with our sleeping bags as I climbed the rocks settling at the top. Grissom threw me a sleeping bag as he put his down getting out the food. We ate in silence looking up at the sky. He moved his sleeping bag next to mine looking up after we ate.

"This is fun." I said

"Yeah." He said "Look a falling star."

"Cool."

I smiled at him as he smiled looking at me. His hand went to my hair smoothing it away from my face.

"Sara, you are more beautiful now, and then you have ever been."

"Are you putting the moves on me?" I asked, moving closer.

"I am trying."

I smiled moving closer kissing him. He pulled me to him laying me back.

I sighed at work the next week feeling completely happy. Grissom and I were happy and back on track. He made a point to come home on time to be with me.

Nick and I worked on a case and I threw up before passing out. The doctor told Grissom and I that we were expecting. I cried after that knowing what would happen. Grissom held me telling me over and over it will be all right.

My second month my stomach was more defined. I looked at a piece of tire as Grissom leaned against the doorway watching me work. I looked at him smiling as he smiled back.

"What are you doing?" I asked

"I was just thinking about you."

He walked over to me looking at the tire. I looked at him as he moved closer kissing me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Good, I have to go talk to Brass. I'll order in for dinner."

"Wings." I said, feeling a craving coming on "Chocolate ice cream and dill pickles."

Grissom chuckled shaking his head as he left. I ate a dill pickle with a big glob of ice cream on it watching TV. Grissom watched me dip the pickle in the ice cream again eating it. I looked at him stopping as he continued to stare.

"What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking of how disgusting that is."

"It's not disgusting have some?" I said, lifting it up to him.

"No."

"Have some?" I said

He gave up and took it looking at it then he took a bite. I watched him grimace giving it back to me.

"Yuck!"

"Your crazy." I said, shaking my head going back to eating.

Grissom came home on my eighth month seeing me sleeping on the couch. He smiled walking over leaning down he touched my stomach. He felt the baby move inside my belly.

He walked down the hall with Ecklie as his phone went off. Grabbing it he answered.

"Grissom."

Ecklie stopped walking as Grissom stopped mid stride to listen.

"I'll be there." He said, hanging up the phone. "Sara is in labor."

He ran out leaving the man in the hallway. Driving to the hospital he ran inside finding the room I was in. I moved my head around sweating as he kissed me.

"Thank goodness you are here." I said

"I would not miss this."

I felt a need to push and did as the doctor ordered. I screamed feeling pain as I pushed. Grissom watched as the doctor pulled out the baby. He began to clean the baby as we waited.

"It's a girl." The doctor said

Grissom kissed my head smiling as we heard our child's cry.

"We have a girl." I said

"She is beautiful." Grissom said, taking the blanket wrapped baby in his arms as the nurse handed him our daughter.

Grissom leaned down to let me see her. I watched the baby cry then start to calm down opening her eyes then closing them.

"We have to pick a name." I said, looking at her.

"Mary?"

"No."

"Anne?"

"No."

"Abby?"

I grimaced as he chuckled.

"Lucy?"

"Perfect." I said, looking at the baby.

A month later I held Lucy in my work clothes in the living room listening to her cry against my shoulder. Grissom came out of the bedroom walking over looking at me in concern.

"What's wrong?"

"She's just unhappy." I said, patting her back gently.

"Hungry?"

"I just fed her."

He sighed looking at his child in my arms. I kissed her head listening to her wail.

"Let me hold her." He said, raising his arms out to hold her. I gave up giving her to him and instantly she stopped crying. Grissom looked at me in amazement.

"I guess she thinks I am a monster."

"Sara, I read a book about this. It's just a mood. She could snap out of it any day."

"I hope so." I said, kissing him before getting some coffee. Grissom walked over slowly looking at the baby. "I haven't slept in weeks."

"How about I take care of her tomorrow?"

"You would do that?"

"Lucy is my child to. It would give me a chance to bond with her and give you rest."

"All right." I said, smiling.

We worked our separate jobs then came home to a quiet house. Grissom paid the babysitter as I went in to check on the baby. Lucy wriggled around in her crib looking around with blue eyes. Grissom came in looking at her touching my back.

"Go to bed. I will stay up with her."

I nodded leaving to change my clothes before sinking into the bed. Grissom sat on the couch with Lucy in his arms. He watched her look around moving her fingers and toes. He smiled looking down at her.

I woke later with Grissom lying down beside me. Moving I looked at the clock seeing it was almost two thirty. I stretched moving to face him looking at his peaceful sleeping face. He moved his head stilling to breathe in and out slowly again. I gently got out of bed going to the other bedroom looking in at the baby in her crib sleeping.

I went out to make a late breakfast leaving it warming in the oven. Grissom came out in his pajamas seeing me sitting at the counter feeding Lucy a bottle. He walked over seeing I had made coffee. Pouring a cup he turned watching us. I looked down at the hungry baby then at him.

"What are you going to do today?" He asked

"Well I was thinking about bringing Lucy to the lab to show the guys."

"Good, Greg wants to see her."

I nodded looking down at her.

"There is breakfast in the oven."

"That's why I love you." He said

I chuckled watching him get out our plates setting them on the counter.

I carried Lucy in a car seat inside the lab already hearing the sounds that people made when seeing a baby. Walking past the front desk I walked to the lounge setting down the large bag of supplies while placing the baby seat on the table. Catherine walked in seeing I had brought the baby. She walked over looking at Lucy.

"Can I hold her?"

"Of course."

"Come here Lucy, Come see your aunt Catherine." She said, in a gentle voice. She undid the straps holding her in then lifted her up laying Lucy against her. "She is so cute."

"Enjoy her now because there is only one time a day that she is clean." I said, smiling at them.

"She looks like Grissom."

Greg and Nick walked in seeing us. They walked over making baby noises watching Lucy smile as they entertained her.

Grissom heard some lab workers walk by his office talking about a baby and knew that I was there. He walked down the hall seeing a crowd of people huddled around something in the lounge. He walked in seeing a few people see him scurrying out of the room to go back to work. I saw him watching everyone huddle around Lucy talking all at once.

"Excuse me; I believe the lab will not run itself." He said

Everyone looked at him then started to leave. Catherine gave the baby to me smiling as she went out with Greg and Nick. I set Lucy back in the car seat walking over to him.

"Mr. Grumpy."

"I am not grumpy. Come to my office."

I followed him inside putting the baby seat down next to the couch with the bag as he looked down at Lucy then at me.

"Ecklie wants me to fly out to New York and help with a case."

"When?"

"In a few hours."

"How long will it take?"

"Could be a few days."

"Okay."

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Yeah."

He moved closer kissing me.

Grissom flew out that evening and I went home not realizing I was being followed. I woke up breathing in and out seeing people all around me calling my name. A small light blinded me as a voice asked me if I could talk. I tried to move but I was strapped down.

"What is happening?" I asked, looking around scared.

"Sara, calm down." Brass said, leaning down to touch my arm.

"Please tell me why I am strapped down!"

"You were attacked coming into your house."

"Attacked? Where is Lucy?!" I asked, searching for her.

Brass looked at the EMT who looked at him.

"What?" I asked, looking at them.

Brass looked down sighing.

"Sara, whoever attacked you took the baby."

I laid back as the news sunk in. Brass rode with me to the hospital where he called Grissom telling him I was in shock. A search went on for hours searching for this person. Grissom came back keeping in touch with Brass as he stayed at the hospital with me. I felt his hand touching mine as he talked to the doctor about my condition. Grissom sat down in a chair beside my bed looking at me. He sat back sadly thinking about Lucy. I moved my head opening my eyes seeing him.

"Gris." I said, weakly.

He stood up leaning over me.

"Hey."

"I am sorry." I said, feeling tears coming down my cheeks.

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"I should have seen him coming."

"We are going to find her. Don't worry."

"You should go and help."

"I am not leaving you."

"Please Grissom. Go and help find our baby." I said, crying.

He looked into my eyes seeing the pain behind them. Moving closer he kissed my head then walked out. I laid back wiping my eyes trying to not to think what horrible things could be happening.

Grissom went to see Brass as the team searched for clues around our home. He leaned over a map with Brass circling places that this man could be. When they got a tip to go to a hideout in the hills Grissom and Brass rode out there with a dozen cops. Catherine jumped out of the Tahoe she drove up behind with Nick getting her gun out. Brass motioned his men to surround the place. Grissom followed behind as Catherine and Nick ran up behind. Brass kicked the door open shouting as he pushed his way in. Grissom went in looking around with his flash light.

"Gil!" Catherine shouted. Grissom looked over at her seeing she was looking at something behind a dirty couch. He walked over seeing a pink blanket with lady bugs that he recognized instantly. He walked over kneeling down to look at it.

Catherine walked over seeing him lift the blanket up and she saw something.

"Grissom stand back."

Grissom watched her get her gloves on as he moved back feeling his heart ache. Catherine lifted the blanket up looking at something. Brass walked over watching Catherine get her camera taking some pictures then pull out the blanket.

"The house is clear." Brass said

"Not quite." Catherine said

"What?"

Catherine lifted the blanket showing a horrible sight that caused Grissom to grab his heart. Brass called for an ambulance as Catherine cried lowering the blanket looking at Grissom in pain.

I sat up as Brass came into the hospital room looking pale and grim.

"Where's the baby? Did you find her? Is Grissom all right?"

He walked over taking my hand.

"Sara…..Honey."

I started shaking as he said this.

"I am afraid we were to late. Grissom is being treated for having chest pains. The doctor said he will be all right."

"No!" I yelled, sobbing. He pulled me to him as I pounded on his chest.

Doc Robbins looked at the tiny body on his exam table. Hearing the door open he looked over seeing Catherine come in looking Lucy.

"Something you need Catherine?"

"No, I just wanted to see her."

"I've been working here for many years and I never get used to this." He said, motioning to the baby.

"I just keep thinking about Sara."

"Has she been told?"

"Yeah, Brass just told her."

Grissom brought me home a few days later. I let him lead me into the bedroom to lie down. He kissed my head as he covered me with a warm blanket. I watched him move around the room as he put my bag away then he came over sitting down looking at me.

"Hungry?" He asked

I shook my head slowly. He took my hand in his watching me look around the room.

"It's so quiet." I said

He nodded listening. I sniffed moving to my side shaking with silently cries. He slid into the bed and held me.

A few months later I stood in the hallway looking at a paper. Someone tapped my shoulder and I turned around seeing my husband smiling faintly at me.

"Hey." He said

"Hey."

"What are you doing?" He asked, looking at the paper in my hand.

"I am waiting to Greg."

"Where is he?"

"Men's room, he said he had some shrimp cocktail last night and it didn't agree with him."

"Brass wants to see me about something."

"Is it about that man he caught?" I asked, feeling a shiver run through me.

"Sara, I don't know." He said, touching my arm "I have to go."

I watched him go past as I waited. Grissom walked to the police station seeing Brass in his office. He sat down in front of his desk as Brass sat back in his seat.

"Peters said he never took the Lucy, but his DNA proves he did."

"I'd like to talk to him." Grissom said

"Gil, I really don't think this is a good idea."

"You can join me. Jim, I just want to look him in the eye."

Brass sighed looking at him.

It was the end of shift and I sadly closed my locker in the locker room. Nick came in seeing me sitting down on the bench.

"You okay?" He asked, as he opened his locker.

"Yeah, I just don't want to go home."

"Want to have breakfast with me?" He asked, looking at me.

"Sure, I just need to tell Grissom. I'll meet you outside." I said, going out. I walked out going to his office not seeing him I walked to the station looking around. Walking over to the front desk the Sargent looked over at me as he wrote on a paper.

"I was looking for Grissom." I said

"He went to interrogation with the Captain."

"Oh."

"They should be finished." He said

I nodded walking out to the interrogation rooms. Walking over I peeked into where he was and stilled. I saw the man who killed my child sitting at a table while Grissom and Brass talked to him on the other side. I felt my chest burn with a pain as I became upset. I walked to the door shoving the door open. All the men turned and looked at me.

"Sara!" Grissom shouted, as he stood up.

I stared at the man in an orange uniform. He looked at Grissom then at me.

"Who's that?" He asked

"Sara, could you wait outside?" Brass asked, as he stepped forward. I felt tears coming down my cheeks as I ran over to attack the guy. Grissom and Brass quickly came over trying to stop me. The guy struggled away as he fell to the floor. I was pulled back from him by Grissom taken outside in the hallway. He pushed me against the wall and I breathed in and out fast upset. Brass had some men take Peters away.

"Stop!" Grissom shouted, shaking me.

I stopped and started crying laying my head against his shoulder. Grissom held me to him as I clawed at him. Brass motioned he was leaving and Grissom nodded. I was led into the locker room and given some water.

"I'm sorry." I said, looking down.

Grissom knelt down in front of me. I looked at him with red eyes. He put his hand on my cheek smoothing my skin.

"Sara, I love you."

I hugged him throwing myself against him. He walked me out to see Nick waiting by his car looking at his phone.

"I'll be home later." Grissom said, rubbing my arm.

"Okay."

"Go have fun." He said, pushing me away as he smiled gently.

I looked over at Nick then I walked over to Grissom kissing him. Nick watched as we stayed together for a moment. Grissom moved his head back pushing me away again. I let him go as I walked over to where Nick stood.

"You okay?" He asked

"Yeah, let's go."

Grissom watched Nick and I get into his car then drive off before heading back inside to deal with Brass. Nick watched me look outside as I cut my fork into my vegetarian omelet. He ate a piece of sausage as I looked down then out again.

"Are you expecting rain?" He asked

I looked over at him then down at my food.

"No, I was just thinking."

"What about?"

"The guy Brass has in custody."

"Sara, you have to move on. He will get life for this."

"I know….it's just been a few months and I just still have issues."

"You can't blame yourself." He said, as he reached over touching my arm.

"I should have looked behind me before hearing him."

"You would have done the exact same thing." He said "I am sorry you had to go through that."

Nodding in appreciation I went back to my food. On the way home he cheered me up with stories about some past cases he had been on. I waved as he dropped me off home seeing Grissom's car parked in one of the parking spots in front of the building I went up to the front door. I stopped looking behind me then I opened the door seeing him drinking coffee as he walked out of the kitchen. He stopped seeing me standing by the door.

"How was breakfast?"

"Good."

He nodded watching me.

"What's wrong?"

I walked over to him putting my arms around his body. He put his arm around my waist.

"Thank you." I said

"For what?"

I moved back looking at his blue eyes.

"For being here and helping me."

He smiled watching me smile then walk past him to go to the bedroom.

Grissom and his team walked up the hill seeing Catherine and her team including me looking down at a horrific bus crash down into some trees. We were told to go our separate ways and search for clues. I walked into the woods away from the bus looking around with a flashlight seeing debris and other things lying around. I picked up a piece of tire by a fallen tree trunk when I heard a faint cry. Looking around I stood listening. Another cry made me grab my phone as I walked forward looking around.

"Hello?" I called

Again the small weak voice made me stop to look around. I saw some movement down by a tree I ran over seeing a woman bloody and obviously in pain.

"I am Sara." I said, kneeling down to her.

"Mary." She said, winching.

I got on the phone calling for some EMT's. Mary coughed grimacing as she held her stomach.

"Helps coming." I said, taking her hand.

"Please….." She pleaded

"Everything will be all right." I said

"No, I am pregnant!" She said

I reached down touching her protruding stomach. The EMT's came over with Catherine and Grissom following. I moved out of the way as they talked to her. Grissom looked at me as I stared at the woman.

"We have to get the baby out. She's dying." One of them said

"What?" Grissom asked

They lifted her up on a stretcher and carried her away. I ran after them as Grissom and Catherine followed. They set her in an ambulance at the top of the hill closing the doors as they worked on her. I opened them up watching as they tried to keep Mary alive. One of them came over to me telling me they needed to work and closed the doors. I stood outside waiting as Grissom walked over hearing the ambulance engines start. The vehicle left at top speed down the road. I watched it go then turned putting my head against Grissoms shoulder.

After shift I went to the hospital to check on Mary. The doctor came out seeing me waiting in the waiting room.

"Are you Sara?" He asked

"Yes." I said, walking over.

"I am Doctor Murphy. The young lady that came in said you were a nice lady."

"How is she?"

"I am afraid she just died."

"Oh." I said, looking down.

"I'm sorry. We were able to save the baby." He said "Would you like to see him?"

I looked at him nodding. He led me through to the large glass window with the babies lying in little beds sleeping or moving around.

"He's right in front." He said, pointing at the baby next to the glass. I watched him open his eyes looking at me.

"Is there family?"

"No, she told us that all her family was dead. With the exception of her abusive father. She wanted me to give the baby to you."

I looked at him in shock.

"Me? I didn't even know her."

"Sometimes a kind word to a dying person is all that is needed. He can't stay here forever and if you decide you don't wish him then we can call child services."

I looked back in at him sleeping again. I told the doctor I needed to talk to my husband and I went home. Grissom slept in bed with a book open on his chest. I walked in pacing deciding to talk to him now. He woke feeling me plop down on the bed on his side looking at him.

"Hey." He said, stretching.

"Grissom, I need to talk to you."

As I finished talking to him we sat in silence. Grissom looked at me sitting up against the headboard.

"Grissom, we lost two babies and now there is another chance." I said

"Sara, I know you think this baby will fill some hole in your life, but I disagree. I don't want to hurt you, but what if something happens again? I don't want to see you suffer like you did. I am sorry, but my answer is no."

"What if this is important to me?" I asked, looking at him.

"It's still no." He said, before sighing. I looked down getting up walking out of the room. Grissom looked at the blanket covering the bed.

After the next shift I went back to the hospital asking the doctor if I could hold the baby. It felt good to hold a baby seeing his eyes open to look at me. I left an hour later coming home. Grissom was working at the desk in the living room looking over at me as I walked through.

"Where were you?" He asked

"Hospital." I said, going into the kitchen. He got up coming into the room seeing me getting a glass of water.

"Sara, what are you doing?"

I turned to him setting the glass down on the counter.

"I just wanted to see him again and hold him."

"Sara, I told you no."

"I just wanted to hold him!"

"You're getting attached. I don't want you to go back there."

"Grissom, I don't understand why you are being stubborn about this. This is another chance to have a child and to love it."

"I gave you my answer." He said, coldly. I sighed, feeling a weight on my heart. Walking past him I went into the bedroom shutting and locking the bathroom door starting the water to take a shower. Sitting on the tub I started crying. Grissom came in sitting on the bed looking at the bathroom door.

Catherine came in to Grissom's office concerned a few days later seeing him sitting at his desk reading a book.

"Gil, what is going on?"

He looked at her with one eyebrow lifted as he lowered his book.

"What?"

"Sara has been walking around like a zombie and not eating." She said, as she leaned over the desk.

He moved putting his book on the desk.

"She and I just had a disagreement."

"Well could you get your nose out of that book and talk to her?"

"I have already talked to her." He said, picking up his book again.

"Well this time could you talk to her as a husband instead of Grissom?" She asked, getting up leaving.

He watched her go then he went back to reading. I opened up my bagged lunch looking at it then throwing it away. Grissom watched this as he leaned against the lounge door watching me walk around then sit down on the couch watching the TV. He cleared his throat coming over to sit on the arm of a chair near me. I glanced at him before looking at the TV.

"Catherine came in my office and said you were not acting like yourself or eating." He said

"I lost my appetite." I said

"Sara this has to end." He said, looking down "You need to stop this behavior and move on."

I started to laugh then I stood up.

"This is important to me and you tell me to move on?"

"That's right I do ask you to move on, because I love you." He said, standing.

"You obviously don't love me enough to make me happy." I said, before leaving. He watched me leave feeling dejected and hurt by my words.

Later he walked into the hospital seeking out the doctor I talked to. He was shown into the room that the baby was in.

"Want to hold him?" A nurse asked

Grissom looked down at the baby slowly nodding. The nurse picked up the baby and handed him to Grissom. The baby looked at Grissom waving his little hand around. The nurse smiled as Grissom took the little hand letting the baby touch him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, standing behind him. He turned looking at me.

"I came because I wanted to see why this is so important to you."

I came in looking at the baby in his arms.

"It is." I said, looking at Grissom.

"I'm sorry Sara; I realized it was my problem."

"That's okay." I said "What do you want to do?"

He looked at the baby who was looking at them both.

"I think we should name him." He said

"Jack. I already did." I said, smiling. Grissom looked at me smiling then he moved in kissing me.


End file.
